he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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