this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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