its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
