Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
