i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
