Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
