I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
