Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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