Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
