i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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