I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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