I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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