Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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