when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize