Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
