sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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