didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
