I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just cropdusted the office
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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