You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
