Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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