Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
