how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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