we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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