flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
