idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
