Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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