i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
