all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
