Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize