Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
