ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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