I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize