yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
