that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
