I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
