I faked an abortion last night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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