Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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