Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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