I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
