I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
