i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
