I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
