So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
