You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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