One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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