i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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