Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize