can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
