It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
