be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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