I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize