He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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