Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
