We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
