my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
