Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
