I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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