dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
