She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
