just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
