from now on my penis is your penis
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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