u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
