how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
