I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
