One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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