The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Farmville is her only friend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
