I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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