Already got asked if we're dating
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
