we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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