11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
