so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
