I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
