Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I believe in your delicious
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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