i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
