I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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