I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
