He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
