now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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