so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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