Plan B is the new Plan A
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
